Weird and Tickly Sort of Stimulation

Did you grow up with those feelings of like I'll save you out of a hole, like a cartoon, or like those art books showing the hypnotic face tickling you for some strange reason?

Some of those cartoons are stimulating.  They probably would still catch my attention if I watched them.  I think they stimulated me last time, but I try not to get in that situation.

Problem

I tried to avoid attacking my father and feel he punished me for Ellen DeGeneres.

Suggestion

Sometimes, I have to ignore voices that come up but worry my dad actually put them there and doesn't admittedly know what he's doing.  Why does that bother you?  I'll just go exchange feelings with someone else.

Problem

I feel Tim Burton thinks I'm not as European.

Problem

Why does Ellen DeGeneres think I have to be punished or my mom for not being as attractive a lot of times as a kid after forgetting to write my cousin and me feeling like knocked out trying to think about it by my mom.  Don't hurt my mom!  I don't trust they won't.  I was gonna say something else but forgot.

WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?  IT LOOKS LIKE YOU FORGOT TO PUT YOUR NOSE IN THE RIGHT WAY.

Problem

Johnny Depp must be racist.

Problem

What's wrong with Johnny Depp?  Be aware he is related to the 1st freed black woman.  :|

Problem

People are getting me to feel certain things for fun that are inappropriate.

I'm also getting false messages, that are supposed to be impressive and that are really annoying and immoral.

Problem

I just got told I wasn't so cool.  STOP.  BEING MORAL IS OKAY.  IT IS THE RIGHT THING TO DO.

Problem

Johnny Depp, is he really like a wild French man?  I keep getting threats from him.  I don't wanna sit here and tell people to literally like be mean to me.

Problem

I'm not gonna deal with your fetishes.  You simply are hurting people emotionally in ways that are not right which no one agrees with.

Problem

Ellen DeGeneres is up for the inklings of others.  It's all about sensitivities of certain people but taking for granted those who are good well off.  Why hope to approach her.  She's waiting for you to be in a perfect mood, not sure, on her show, finding you online and finding you watch her show and post to her Tweets etc.  I don't think she's bothered as much as certain other celebrities, like Dakota Fanning.

Problem

Dirty people.

Problem

No one's posting on my forum.  ^0^

I think famous people are looking me up and getting mad they did it, now.

Problem

Stop telling me to do stuff and then getting mad at me for it.

You wanna play with my problems from the past?  Think my good features are from others?  Think that everyone else is naturally some thing that's important?

Problem

Annoying Italians.

Problem

So, I like getting ideas from others, but I'm being made fun of that I don't do anything but bad things like trash.

Problem

STOP THREATENING TO RUIN MY RELATIONSHIPS AND OPPORTUNITY.

Also, I have a problem with my past staying up late, but that wasn't my fault.  I couldn't think|function.  It was homework, class doing nothing, couldn't do anything, nothing to do, couldn't succeed in college.

Problem

I don't care if you want "the" experience because you're not cool pretending you're bad.  Wanna get that huh huh huh huh?

Problem

I'm gonna actually knock you out if you don't stop.  You better not hurt me for posting that on my blog.  Obviously, I haven't yet played with real people in words.

Problem

STOP.  I keep getting that I have to feel certain things differently and like I'm like not cool and perverted, like I feel a cut in my wrist from JUST WHEN I WAS STANDING OUT WITH MY DAD IN FRONT OF THE DOOR.  OW.  SOMEONE **** GET HIM.  I think since watching "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" this season, I am experiencing I am a negro sometimes, like my eyeballs might as though they're rolling back.  I got another message that I'm not white.  STOP.  I'M GONNA **** YOU.  I'M GONNA **** YOU TOO FOR GETTING ME TO SAY THAT YOU NIGGER.

Slam

What do you think about Ellen DeGeneres slamming into things that don't make sense just for the feeling and then going back like we have to be nice to her?  Look, I can talk to my dad if I want.  The only reason I wouldn't would be ... "because he's not good enough."  Don't go and elaborate on that.  Don't say my aunts are better.  They were treated better, and I know Tim Burton thinks that's some thing that has a protocol...

Oh that's so cute.  Why am I getting these messages.  Stop getting mad at me for giving me messages.  You have a problem.  I will not deal with this.  Help!  Something just happened to me.  Someone get this to stop.  This shouldn't happen to me.  Everyone agrees I don't deserve to have things get worse and worse.  What's going on, anyway?  Why don't people deal with my intelligence?  I guess they're just ... I guess they grew up more concerned about other things.  Too bad I'm too tired to go into it.  '}:|  Are you really striving to be like me?  What is your problem?  Oh, now, you have to deal with my new personality.  That just proves how useless you [plural] are.  Whoops, that's a real joke!  RIGHT.  NOW WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN.  STOP!  :0  I don't think this is avoidable.  I don't want this to be my life.  Look, go talk to other people.  Maybe, no one is out there for you.  Maybe, you need more people.  Worried about me watching you?  I'm sure it'll work out.  Maybe, I'm not interesting.  I'm kinda young and full of desire around most people, but that's okay.  So, why am I not as astute online now?  Just kinda making it in fluff?  Think anyone cares???

People Who Don't Care

What do you think about Tim Burton directing movies with adults who don't care as much as other people?

Edit

New tag.

Problem

Stop blaming me for stuff I can't control.  I didn't do anything wrong.

Problem

So, what, if my mom is Chinese-Indonesian.  I'm not a mixed race whore.

Problem

Maybe, you should be quiet until you have something nice to say and not just go all out and invade my privacy.

Problem

I keep getting annoying messages because of other people's flaws, them seeping into modern cultures and spreading their influence.  The problem is no one realizes that people have both strengths and weaknesses.

Problem

Did you ever stop and think at how others can't control themselves?  I mean how they affect others?  Like, if they present them to the world in a bad way?  That happened to me when I went to the mental hospital.  Everyone know I called someone the n word.  WHY IS THAT A BIG DEAL?  Just so you know, it's important to me that I thought I was totally set up to do it and was told in signals to do it.  The person wanted me to.

Problem

Why don't I see more people online?  I feel as though people are using me.  I'm getting picked on for getting attention, I think.  Kids today.  What's my future?  Will I get married and spend time with a nice boy?  Will I ever have any relationships?  Will I be in the arts and make money?  Will I ever make it in media?  Do people want to be in a relationship with me, like on a blog and then meet me and maybe talk to other people?  Do they want to not admit I'm like other people who are really white?  What happened to the old me's?  Why am I so interesting now?  Why is it about everyone I used to know and not about me?  WHY!  Do you think I get tired of you?  No, but I think it's good to have a variety of people.  I really like Ellen DeGeneres.  I'm trying to figure out who her crowd is because they don't seem to be nice to me.  Also, I think she'd have a problem with my problems.  I just got some bad messages.  I'm worried about what will happen to me.  I just am so jealous I can't relax and other attractive people can.

Race

What does Ellen DeGeneres know about race?

Problem

I CAN HAVE WHATEVER I WANT.  STOP WASTING MY TIME.  ADMIT ELLEN DEGENERES ISN'T BEING SMART.  Or it's my dad.  I got another message.  They are ruining my life and threaten to make it worse later.  This can't happen.

HELP!

Ellen DeGeneres killed my dad!

She also would make fun of me for saying this!  Someone slap her!

Problem

Who cares about Tim Burton's daughter?

Problem

STOP INVADING MY PRIVACY AND PREVENTING ME FROM MAKING RELATIONSHIPS RIGHT NOW.

Problem

WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?

Problem

I SAID STOP BEING MEAN TO ME.

Problem

Ellen DeGeneres and Tim Burton are annoying.  They read me online.

Problem

Be quiet!  Stop!  You have nothing to say!

Problem

I won't stop getting these complaints.

Stop complaining all day about being nice to me.  I'm getting made fun of a lot for watching "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" and I can't live my life peacefully and improve since Johnny Depp.

Problem

I'm hearing more annoying noises. STOP.  This used to be fun, and then it stopped.  No, I didn't tell you to do this.

STOP

STOP PICKING ON ME FOR POSTING ONLINE.

THE MOUSE ISN'T EVEN MOVING THE SAME, AND THINGS ARE ALL LOADING FUNNY.  STOP THIS YOU NIGGERS.  THE MOUSE IS ALWAYS MOVING FUNNY.  STOP LISTENING TO MY DAD OR I WILL **** YOU.

Problem

I SAID STOP.  I DON'T WANT YOUR SECRETS.

Problem

I just heard a noise.  Get it to stop.  I'm gonna h*** someone.  I have a problem and something big happens.  Look, she's smiling at perverted things and affecting how my dad treats me.  She might have even "told my dad to do it" and "told people to do these noises in my room" because my dad said so and then channels it in public.  I won't be left alone for things that I do.  I just want to live in the world.  She keeps being perverted.

LOOK, I KEEP HEARING THESE NOISES IN MY ROOM.

I SAID STOP.

I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE YOU PEOPLE.  I SAID SO.  LISTEN TO ME.  YOU ARE NOTHING.  YOU WON'T LISTEN.  I CAN'T STAND THIS.  I SAID STOP.  STOP MESSING WITH MY COMPUTER AND THE NOISES IN MY ROOM.  STOP PICKING ON ME USING SYMBOLIC SPEECH YOU PERV.

Problem

Ellen DeGeneres has a problem with me racially.  She is disrespectful.

I was thinking that gay people are bad.  That's what people think.  How can they raise their own kids when they're older?

Also, I don't feel free to post what I want online because it might bother someone famous who looks at the message boards online, like famous people and movies.

I have a problem.  I'm feeling violent.  I was upset today because of racism, coupled with other things.

Ellen DeGeneres is annoying because I just got the message she doesn't think I should speak to my dad.  She won't explain her logic.  Everyone thinks she's racist.  She just listens to my dad and she's not nice about my likings.  She thinks I shouldn't have a relationship with my aunts.  What's her problem?  She knows I talked to a boy on IMDb.

When someone is mean to her, she won't stop, neither, thinks she should cause more trouble.

I don't know if all this is from her.  It could be from my dad.  Other than that, I don't know.  It's probably that boy getting attention behind my back.

Who cares about my dad's family?  This is my life.  They were supposed to talk to me or leave me alone.

She is crazy and sensitive to too much.  Maybe, she wants to think she's cooler than everyone.

I'm getting funny feelings from wanting to watch her because she's like so spoiled.

I'm so mad.  I wanna find who's responsible.

I was standing out with my dad, just to be cool, and I got a funny message.  Someone wanna answer and get involved in this?  Ellen DeGeneres is dangerous, and she thinks that's funny, tickling funny, and she's gonna annoy me just for using the word "tickle."  See, I'm already annoyed.  It's already affected me, and someone's gonna notice, and this is not happening to anyone else.

I was thinking it was funny that she associates words as important.  Her attractiveness means nothing.  Now, I have to associate other words and things.

Ellen DeGeneres doesn't deserve to talk to my dad.  SOMEONE STOP THIS I SAID SOMEONE STOP IT.  CALL THE POLICE.  She's trying to make people I care about not good racially.  She's playing around.  I SAID STOP YOU.

IMDb

Tired

I'm sweaty and need a shower but will watch TV 1st.  I'm also heated.  I look kinda sunken in and a bit pumped|beefed in a rounded way.

Tired

I used to get tired at the computer.  I'm wondering if I need a nap.

Chores

I did the towels ... and some other little things?  Too tired for dishes.  It was fun.  Oh yes.  I cleared the loti I mean kitchen.

Work Out!

Bringing Up

I feel people want to fix my dad when he was a baby and kid to be at a disadvantage.  I mean like not being from the South.  I don't believe that I have to put aside any advantages I picked up.  I mean, it's pretty much an option what you want to be like.  :(

Messy

xp

Why does my room keep getting unorganized?  I have some shopping to do, and online, too.

Italians and Latin Americans

I wonder why the Spanish were such conquestadors.

Did you also figure that Middle Easterners don't like ballet?

Would you say the Spanish have a lot in common with the Greeks?  Italians with the Turks?  Turkey is European but a war zone.  The Near East looks European, but I guess they don't totally try.  Celine Dion's manager isn't European.

Bathroom

I thought maybe I wouldn't have to go but had to poo.

Using People

Isn't it funny how kids use adults?

Cross Cultures

Why blame another culture for your faults?

Flaws

Why are we sacrificing the well-being of others for others's flaws?

Eating

I had 2 hot dogs on wheat buns with ketchup, Heins.  I got the new one with ice skates on the front.  Then, I had a Philly pop, which I got last time as Italian Ice.  Now, I'm having Jumbalaya (sp?) and lemon herbal quelling tea and 2 piece of mint frozen pie.  Water.  I'm having hamburgers later, I think.

Private Schools

So, I was wondering.  Like, if I went to the private high school, how would I do theater?  Talented Theater and Talented Music are big.  So was Gifted, except it turned out it was AP and the public schools were bad, like the Catholic schools.  I know the non-religious private school may not be perfect and supposedly less aesthetic, but I think the Catholic schools were weird.  It was fun, of course, when we did entertainment stuff at school, but I mean there's no class for it and maybe there's no time for it with all the kids.  Also, the teachers probably don't like doing that with us.  I also dreamed I went to the Baptist school, and then I went there.  I am thankful, but I had physical problems, staying awake.  It's unaccredited.  The English was neat but maybe not perfect.  The mass was nice but only once a week.  I missed religion to go to Talented Music, which was neat to play for the senior play.  It was stressful coming back to change for Talented Theater, at the end of the day.  At the Catholic school, my Saturdays were always spent in New Orleans in the Classical Music program, and we carpooled among 3 families, the other 2 freshman, 1 Vietnamese (whose mom was sweet but strict and cooked good food) and the other Jewish or part Jewish, named Margaret.  The other was Connie.  Her mom said that she was on the floor and called 911 as a baby.  However, the Saturday program doesn't change.  So, maybe, you'd take a different subject, each year.  I went in the summer, too.  I don't think I could do Dance.  They encourage people in the day to go Saturdays.  They don't have things like Communications and Directing.  So, in a Catholic high school it's also a waste of time in Religion class.  I know the History class I took was bad but assume it was just that one.  Math they talked and I couldn't succeed.  I could have taken Art 3 with one other girl that period, I found later.  The intellectual people remind me of my friend Karen from Boston or that state.

Gunshot

I got the idea of several images flashing before me, 1st.

Edit

I edited my 2nd to last post.

Funny

I wonder if Ellen DeGeneres really doesn't have track of the protocol of cool.

Nazis and Jews

So, I wonder if the kids got killed.

No!

Gunshot

The 1st thing I thought or one of them, like in sliced bread, was the concrete idea that it was Jews.  Then, I had the feeling I would be hurt for not succeeding in Music History up north.

Pestered

Unfortunately, I felt very pestered by something but not about it, and the top of my head from the front felt like it popped up like a thick egg like in another layer.

Kids! What's the matter with kids?

Why are kids today acting how they don't want to be and then getting like to get you hurt for it?  Like, maybe, they thought it was your fault or it's the big moment and you have to admit they're better than you.  I know adults do that for me, but I'm not doing that.

Dream

I was walking up stairs and could see my dad through a window looking serious and packed about hypnotizing that lady.  He was leaning over like he reached over in the car I thought and then I didn't see him when I was lost the 2nd time.

Schooling

I guess living in the New Orleans area, I didn't really care about consoling others with Florida logic I held onto.  I mean, I lived my life before that.  It just seemed it was about checking if you were right and not like exploring.  Maybe, I couldn't focus in the New Orleans area.  Terribly, I spent a long time on homework but usually got the highest grades and like improved most on the ACT when moving schools.  I was really worried about if I went to the Catholic school because it seemed that I just would stay ho tup doing wormk.  xp  IT seemed that I couldn't do activities.  Like, maybe I would just do piano or something like that.  I would consider just doing ballet.  I just don't feel I'd have a normal life.  I was thinking of going to modeling school to be an actor.

Also, when I was lying on my couch last night, I kept getting specific ideas of images.  I saw like a real image to the side and heard a click maybe of someone turning on an old TV.  Then, I heard a gunshot, and I woke up and it sounded like I really heard something.

So, I was wondering what would happen if you took ballet and went to film acting school.  I knew a girl who did ballet and musical theater, and she seemed tired.  They said you can go 1-6 days, and she went 6 and wanted to go where I went once a week, 3 times a week.  Where I went wasn't very standard.

I was concerned that if you did dance you'd want to post it online.  What if people found you?  I know it's not good to say where you live because people can get you asleep.  People can find you if you give your area of the state or a specific region, like the county, in time.  Also, people in town can recognize a picture online you post when you're out.

Dream

I remember there was a part when it was Ellen DeGeneres, and I thought of some figure in from French New Orleans, and she for some reason could recognize it and like gave a consoling gesture.  She was standing with my mom.  I thought Ellen DeGeneres said she was as short as my mom, and like I guess I was almost as tall as she is.  Then, I realized it wasn't her and she was like 5'5".  She left, kinda triumphant.  I told my mom about "the problem I had" because she wanted to be bigger than me, and then I know my younger aunt was there and my older aunt burst in, in front of Ellen DeGeneres.  I hugged each of them and tried to connect with my older aunt.  I sized up my age, like tried to just size it up to her, now how much older she was as an adult.  My mom and Ellen DeGeneres seem kinda young.  I've had the experience that people a little older than Ellen DeGeneres are also young.  I guess it's just that I'm half Chinese-Indonesian so think any female is too young or too old to talk to me as an adult.

Dream

In the dream before, I know I was eating and doing something else or something else.

Dream

A lady came over to my house in the shadows, couldn't see what she really looked like, just a shadow figure, probably had short, straight blonde hair that kinda lifted up.  I heard her talk but maybe not really.  My aunts were over.  I was saying like what do you want to do, talk to them, stuff, that I'd be in school in the fall, almost thought to say summer.  My dad was there and my mom somewhere.  So, she was like wrestling on the floor with me in a way, don't remember the details.  I wanted to help my aunt and sang 2 church songs, I know.  I had her leave, somehow, and she tried to come back, but I held the door as it jiggled.  She tried to put her hand through probably to prove she was not who I wanted her to be.  I had to latch the door on the top, too.  She left.  I went to the office.  I worked on unknotting to close the windows by a computer with my mom.  My dad contacted the police.  Scarily, I saw her figure, didn't know who she was, in color, too, just looked generic but was pretty, kinda bouncy, had a distinct look but could be anyone.  Saw her face, and it seemed to hide her identity as she smiled at my dad.  She was in front of a university.  I was thinking how my dad hypnotized her and how I joined in saying that it wasn't my dad who forced her to do this but it was just that she was doing this on her own.  It was like in a way that said that like she wasn't doing it under anyone.

Dream

We went to 2 big slides that were set up based on origami.  They were rides, coasters.  There was a big box at the top with a gym.  I found that my friend were dressing up in green with guns and chasing me as cops.  Yellow as few and fair.  I made it back and ended up robing myself and getting a rifle.  I had to like have a little tube at the bottom and like where a tennis ball would propel, but a little bullet came out that was visible.  Then, I was at like a fair.  I heard, "Just like me, they long to be close to you."  We were picking out an "outfit" or a piece of an outfit on each shelf, and there were like shiny material with patterns like in peach with ornate flower outlines in like that thing where the color, well like it, seems to change shades, forgot the word.  Like, there was skirts and pants.  I found one in like 5XL and then ones that stretched that were like Medium.  Iridescent.

Oh, so we were floating around, like Mew.

Lost

I got lost!

Problem

It seems there is a problem with how I think and that no one wants me to think right because I'm not worth it.

Things That Came Up

So, today, some things came up.  I was talking about why I didn't look more like my dad's sisters.  I talked about my brother and cousin and how she was Italian but had no father.

I got mad.  I posted about it, already.  I've handled a lot, but sometimes I get weird images.  I can't say I don't want to ever think about them.

At the doctor, I found there was no wax in my ear.  I might also get a female test.

I'm worried about things happening to me but not in person.

What do you think about people denying what others feel and what you feel about how they feel from someone else and that they're going to feel that way, anyway, but don't lead into it?  My dad keeps getting upset if I'm happy.  He thinks I have to suffer like him.

Are you getting annoying messages from people who are incompetent or who want to be popular, to let it out?

Why should I believe I'm "not what I want to be" and that it's my fault that I can't think these things nor am how I want to be physically?

Oh, and I'm sorry if I made you feel bad about saying I want to h*** people but not really.  Just ideas.  I know it happened to happen at a weird time.  It just came up.  I mean, I have to do something like this sooner or later.

Also, watch out for twisting ideas because it's bound to occur.  Let's see if we can prevent it because we can and the sooner the better.

So, do you want to be told you're not as good as someone older just because?  Like, how can I figure out my desires all at once?  Isn't it a process?  I just can't think.  Why did Johnny Depp become such an issue?  It's like he shouldn't have been famous.  I think we think the same thing about Ellen DeGeneres and Tim Burton.  The other people are easier to handle.  We also think no one should be in the world of work.  People need to get blogs and post themselves online.  I like Jewish things, but it's not the exact reciprocol to Chinese.  I don't want to hurt the Chinese.  I think that the Chinese are disliked, like the Vietnamese.

I keep being stimulated in bad ways for not letting it all out so I'm through and can't do anything that's a good idea to do.  This is so annoying.  These incompetent people.  I don't feel confident about myself like everyone else.  I also hear clicks, if you think that would do it.  Like, squeaky clicks.  I don't know why, but all these sounds are not broadcasted.  I don't really see how it's possible, but I suppose it is.  Like, they come from different places in my ear and sometimes like my head it feels.  I know my ear is ringing.  Sometimes, I think I hear ghosts.  It's painful.  It happened after I didn't do well in school.  Then, I was annoyed at real world sounds.

What do you think about putting up with the faults of Ellen DeGeneres?  Isn't she influential?  I wonder if she's the most famous under Julie Andrews.  She isn't really talked about like certain others, but I guess she's more famous.  Maybe it's because of her age.  People born then are most stimulated.  People born in 1959 and 1960 must be really stimulated.

Shutting Down

Oh, we went to the grocery store and I got lots of food.  The bacon, beef, burgers, dogs, of course veggies, as well as apples.  I went through quickly.  I also grabbed a pie and got swirlie pops.  I almost wouldn't have gotten rice because a lady was there.

Also, I was thinking, Tim Burton and Ellen DeGeneres, who I spoke of illy at the therapist on tape, for probably hating my mom's race, which I mean it might be a fact, not an insult, ... I also couldn't like stop and not say anything.  So, Tim and Ellen ultimately like the younger kids but think they owe time to older kids, like I know people say, "Oh, C hristina."  The idea is that they pay a lot of attention to me and supposedly spend too much time doing it and that later they want me to feel bad when they are supposed to stop.  I just can't not keep up with them.  I wanted to be busy acting, though.  I mean, there is so much to learn.  Why would I watch someone I don't like?  I know there's the thing about making smaller names bigger.  That's probably all.  I mean, they probably would like me because they're famous.  If someone else gets popular, they might lose interest.