So, today, some things came up. I was talking about why I didn't look more like my dad's sisters. I talked about my brother and cousin and how she was Italian but had no father.
I got mad. I posted about it, already. I've handled a lot, but sometimes I get weird images. I can't say I don't want to ever think about them.
At the doctor, I found there was no wax in my ear. I might also get a female test.
I'm worried about things happening to me but not in person.
What do you think about people denying what others feel and what you feel about how they feel from someone else and that they're going to feel that way, anyway, but don't lead into it? My dad keeps getting upset if I'm happy. He thinks I have to suffer like him.
Are you getting annoying messages from people who are incompetent or who want to be popular, to let it out?
Why should I believe I'm "not what I want to be" and that it's my fault that I can't think these things nor am how I want to be physically?
Oh, and I'm sorry if I made you feel bad about saying I want to h*** people but not really. Just ideas. I know it happened to happen at a weird time. It just came up. I mean, I have to do something like this sooner or later.
Also, watch out for twisting ideas because it's bound to occur. Let's see if we can prevent it because we can and the sooner the better.
So, do you want to be told you're not as good as someone older just because? Like, how can I figure out my desires all at once? Isn't it a process? I just can't think. Why did Johnny Depp become such an issue? It's like he shouldn't have been famous. I think we think the same thing about Ellen DeGeneres and Tim Burton. The other people are easier to handle. We also think no one should be in the world of work. People need to get blogs and post themselves online. I like Jewish things, but it's not the exact reciprocol to Chinese. I don't want to hurt the Chinese. I think that the Chinese are disliked, like the Vietnamese.
I keep being stimulated in bad ways for not letting it all out so I'm through and can't do anything that's a good idea to do. This is so annoying. These incompetent people. I don't feel confident about myself like everyone else. I also hear clicks, if you think that would do it. Like, squeaky clicks. I don't know why, but all these sounds are not broadcasted. I don't really see how it's possible, but I suppose it is. Like, they come from different places in my ear and sometimes like my head it feels. I know my ear is ringing. Sometimes, I think I hear ghosts. It's painful. It happened after I didn't do well in school. Then, I was annoyed at real world sounds.
What do you think about putting up with the faults of Ellen DeGeneres? Isn't she influential? I wonder if she's the most famous under Julie Andrews. She isn't really talked about like certain others, but I guess she's more famous. Maybe it's because of her age. People born then are most stimulated. People born in 1959 and 1960 must be really stimulated.
Shutting Down
Oh, we went to the grocery store and I got lots of food. The bacon, beef, burgers, dogs, of course veggies, as well as apples. I went through quickly. I also grabbed a pie and got swirlie pops. I almost wouldn't have gotten rice because a lady was there.
Also, I was thinking, Tim Burton and Ellen DeGeneres, who I spoke of illy at the therapist on tape, for probably hating my mom's race, which I mean it might be a fact, not an insult, ... I also couldn't like stop and not say anything. So, Tim and Ellen ultimately like the younger kids but think they owe time to older kids, like I know people say, "Oh, C hristina." The idea is that they pay a lot of attention to me and supposedly spend too much time doing it and that later they want me to feel bad when they are supposed to stop. I just can't not keep up with them. I wanted to be busy acting, though. I mean, there is so much to learn. Why would I watch someone I don't like? I know there's the thing about making smaller names bigger. That's probably all. I mean, they probably would like me because they're famous. If someone else gets popular, they might lose interest.